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Types of Parenting: Which Style Is Best

types of parenting

Lots of people are parents, but not all parents are the same. There are many types of parenting, with each type having an important impact on the children. The parents I work with typically explore their past in order to make sense of what is happening in the present. Common themes addressed are understanding their family of origin, attachment, and the parenting style they were raised with as a child. Through therapy, they come to better understand their early relationships with their parents. They also learn how those early relationships affected their adult personality. For parents, it’s given them good insight into the types of parenting they received. It also informs what they want to pass on or use with their own children.

There are three types of parenting: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative.

 

Types of Parenting Factors

Developmental psychologist, Dr. Diana Baumrid pioneered the work on parenting styles. Each type involves two factors.

1) Demandingness. This is the degree to which parents want control over their kid’s behaviors.

And 2) Responsiveness. This is the degree of warmth and sensitivity parents have towards their kid’s needs.

 

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parenting is when parents call all the shots. The kids typically have little or no say. This type of parenting entails a high degree of demandingness. It is accompanied by a low degrees of responsiveness. Parents have high control over what they want their kids to do. They also show minimal warmth and sensitivity to their kid’s opinions and feelings.

Authoritarian parents have a limited capacity for non-compliance and disobedience. They are often described as strict and inflexible. This style stems from older traditional beliefs that children are to be seen and not heard. Also that parents know what’s best and what they say goes. Kids are often made to feel sorry for their mistakes through guilt, shame, or pain. Kids are often expected to go with their parent’s ideas just “because”. Research on ethnic and cultural differences on parenting suggests that African-American and Asian-American parents use more authoritarian practices than White or European-American parents.

Examples of authoritarian parenting include the use of yelling and spanking. As well as being sent to bed without dinner, taking away devices without warning. These parents often take control of deciding where a child goes to high school or college. They may throw away toys because the child had a messy room. Helicopter parenting or tiger parenting fall into authoritarian style parenting.

Pros of this approach:

Kids typically follow the rules most of the time. Cultural and ethnic research shows some positive effects on ethnic minority children. Including psychosocial adjustment and academic achievement.

Cons:

Kids can develop lower self-esteem, anxiety, or depression. There is a risk for hostility or aggressiveness, and increased lying. When children are punished through guilt or pain they may feel angry with their parents. This anger clouds the opportunity to reflect about what they did wrong. Children’s thoughts and feelings are not heard or taken into consideration. Leading them to feel they are not valued or that their thoughts and feelings don’t matter. Kids learn to use lying or withhold information to avoid punishment or disapproval. Parents and kids are often angry or upset with each other. Thus this parenting style has a higher tendency to negatively impact their relationship.

 

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parenting is when kids call the shots and parents have little or no say over what their kids do. This type of parenting has low degrees of demandingness. As well as high degrees of responsiveness. Parents can be very warm and highly sensitive to what their kids think and feel. But they have difficulty setting and enforcing limits, rules, and expectations. If a child wants something, permissive parents allow the child to have it. The relationship is preserved but at a cost.

Permissive parents want their kids to be happy. They believe kids will be kids and will learn with limited meddling from parents. They are described as easy-going or lenient. They want to be friends with their kids. This leads to a limited capacity to tolerate their kid’s distress or big feelings. They usually don’t monitor or control their kids’ behaviors. They condone poor choices or bad behaviors by not discouraging it with consequences. Permissive parents don’t always make their expectations known. So there is limited guidance or direction for their children to look to. They do want their kids to behave and follow rules. But because they don’t want to upset their kids, the rules are not enforced. Kids are often left on their own to figure things out.

Permissive parents may first say no when a child asks for a toy at a store, but then buys the toy because the child throws a tantrum. Permissive parents may stay late at a park because their kid does not want to leave. They also may allow a child to stay up late on school nights or make another meal when their kid won’t eat what’s prepared. Permissive parents may have no consequences for a teen who’s broken curfew. Indulgent, lenient, or passive parenting are types of permissive parenting.

Pros:

There may be less conflicts, arguments, or fighting between kids and parents.

Cons:

Without structure, predictability, and monitoring, kids are at increased risk of acting out and engaging in risk-taking or harmful behaviors. Since rules and limits are not enforced, behavioral problems are likely to arise at home or school. This may lead to academic problems. Mental issues may include low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. Other difficulties such as making decisions, and substance use may also arise.

 

Authoritative Parenting

Authoritative parenting is when parents and kids call the shots together. Responsibility is shared and the child’s thoughts and feelings are considered. This type of parenting involves a high degree of demandingness and responsiveness. These parents have  a strong belief in the relationship, discussion, and validation of feelings. This is seen through verbalizing their expectations and explaining their reasoning behind rules. They do so while exuding a nurturing, supportive and caring stance. Accompanied with consistent limit setting and structure, children know what is expected. Whilst they will hear their child’s perspective, they may not always go along with what their child wants. Emphasis is placed on maintaining their relationship, as well as their child’s behavior. Ethnic and cultural research suggests that authoritative parenting is more prevalent in European-American parents than in ethnic minority parents. This type of parenting can protect minority youths from engaging in deviant behaviors. But it’s not associated with better academic achievement.

Examples of authoritative parenting are exploring options with their kids about the different schools they want to go to. They discuss the importance of following through with commitments.  They believe in independence, reasoning, and prevention. Thus, they talk to their kids about drinking, drugs, and sex before there are problems. Democratic or child centric are types of authoritative parenting.

Pros:

Authoritative parenting is associated with improved mental health and psychosocial development across cultures. This highlights this type of parenting as the best approach to parenting. Kids tend to be successful and happy with their relationships. They grow up to be confident, responsible, and self-disciplined adults. These children are often skilled with expressing their opinions. This helps them in social situations, problem solving, and assessing safety risks.

Cons:

Due to disagreements, big feelings or conflicts may arise, which can be uncomfortable. But they are likely to not last very long. This type of parenting is not clearly associated with better academic success.

 

Conclusion on Types of Parenting

Everyone with a child wants to be a good parent, but as you can see there are a few different ways to go about it. The parenting style you received may not be the one you decide to use when parenting your child. Or it very well could be. It helps to look back on how you were parented, and ask yourself if that’s the type of parent you’d like to be. Overall, authoritative parenting is widely regarded as the best parenting style.

 

 

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